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Brought to you by the people who love their job Licensed Optician logo white
Congratulations, You're Miserable

Your Job Sucks

We’ve smelled your tears. Have you considered other opportunities like the one you’re taking now? Perhaps this is the start of a magical journey, or maybe it is. To start, tell us a little about what you do so we can - like - help you or something. No promises.

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Let's Get Personal

Enter your job below and we’ll use scientific and mathematical formulas to reveal the root cause of your occupational-angst.

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Congratulations! You already have the best job in the world. Type in something else just for fun!
Enter your occupation above.

“Oh damn, you’re a(n) ?
It’s no wonder you hate your job. Your job is the literal worst.”

There are plenty of people who love their less lame jobs. Let’s have a look:

Billy
Roadkill Removal Artist
I’ve been clearing the highways of roadkill for two years now, and I love it. Scraping raccoons and deer from the asphalt really gets my blood pumping. It’s not what would typically be revered as an amazing career, but at least I’m not a .
Gretchen
Deodorant Testing Professional
I love starting my day with a big whiff of heavily perspiring armpit. I hated being taunted for my gregarious body odour, so now I’m helping others by ensuring their deodorant does the job mine never could. When people ask if my job ‘smells’, I tell ‘em not hardly as much as a(n) does.’
Dwayne
Manure Inspector
People think my job is shitty, but I beg to differ. Being a(n) would be way worse. I couldn’t imagine having to suffer through that kind of bologne. I’d rather be elbow deep in a steamy pile any day of the week. Keeps me young!
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Ease the Suffering

Job Survival Strategies

Quitting is for quitters. You’re no quitter; you’re an unsung hero of the modern age. Before handing in your resignation, consider these excellent Job Survival Tactics. They work at least some of the time, guaranteed.

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The Perfect Excuse

Don’t let work stand in the way of doing what you want any longer. Those days are gone, friend. Get out of your next dreaded shift with any one of these printable, usable, and totally believable, illegitimate documents.

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INSULT TRANSLATOR

Keeping your frustration buried deep down inside is one of the leading causes of heart disease and poor motor skills. In the textbox below, call your boss or annoying coworkers anything from a "bawdy bat-fowling apple-john" to a "mewling flea-bitten dewberry" and we will provide you with an alternative phrase you can use to avoid getting fired. Let your imagination run wild!

Translate
Translation:
"..."
"Have you been working out? You are looking good, bud! "
"You make me a better person - I really mean that"
"I’ve been having dreams about you… *gaze into the distance at nothing*"
"If you were a cat, I bet you’d love belly rubs. Am I right?"
"Would it be wrong to give you a hug right now? *Hug them*"
"I’d be happy to come in to work on a Saturday - who doesn’t love overtime?"
"With you around, I learn something new everyday"
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CHEAPEST THERAPY EVER

Performing a job you hate has a tendency to make everything feel damp and hopeless. Therapy is too expensive. You can’t eat your feelings forever, either. Click the button below to make everything great again:

Fix Everything

Plan B: Arson

Burn everything to the ground. Feel the therapeutic warmth of the flames as they light your face in an eerie glow. First, play a calming song by Lorde or Lana Del Ray, and select your firestarting method below:

Choose your Firestarter:

Bic Lighter
Gasoline
Matches
Red Stapler
Molotov Cocktail
Blow Torch
Manic Firespinner
Pyro From X-Men
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All's not lost

PLAN YOUR ESCAPE

Your future isn’t as dismal as it seems. You probably just haven’t “found yourself” yet. Follow along and soon enough, you’ll be seeing that bright future of yours shining like a diamond. Believe.

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You're Entre-preneurial!
YOU'RE STYLISH!
You're Technical!

Entrepreneurial

Entrepreneurs are pretty dope. They’ve got passion, and fire, and a strong sense of self. Just like you! They also don't have to deal with "the Man" because they BECOME "the Man" or "the Woman" or [the gender identity of your choosing] proceeded by 'the' with heavy quotation marks.

Stylish

Your life wouldn't be satisfying without a dose of style. You know how to slay, and you've got a knack for trends. You may have been compared to a Kardashian recently, or maybe a British Royal. It's time for you to share your flare for fashion with the masses. You could help people look flossy and help them feel confident and self-assured. Time for a career in style stream.

Technical

You've got a cool head and the confidence of a tiger shark. That makes you a perfect fit for a technical job in the medical field. Not only do you get to help people, but you also get to use tools and tinker with things. Who doesn't love to tinker? These professionals make a difference - and that's admirable AF.

Possible Careers Press Button For Answer

The More You Know...

Fun Facts about Opticians:

1

Bendable, Flexible, Versatile

When you're an optician, you get options, You can be an entrepreneur. You can focus on style. You can master the technical side. Whatever path you choose, you can wear a lot of different metaphorical hats. You can also wear a lot of actual hats, we recommend fedoras.

2

The Happiest People Ever

99% of Opticians consider themselves 'joyful' and 'over the moon' about their career. It would have been 100%, but there is this one guy named Gerry. Don't pay attention to Gerry, he's a miserable sod and was hungry at the time of our survey.

3

Riches Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

You won't have to make the tough decision between whether you should buy groceries or having running electricity this month. You can have it all! Opticians make more money than you. Once you're an optician, you can take a deep bath in all your loonies and toonies. So Bougie!

Information

A rewarding and lucrative career is only as far away as a well filled-out application form and a thirst for something better. Plus, there are plenty of different schools that offer Optical programs, including these fine institutions:

Learn More

The great thing is, the programs only take a few years time — and your diploma comes with options. Being an optician combines healthcare, technology, fashion, entrepreneurship, and service with plenty of career opportunities as a regulated health care professional.

Best of all, you will no longer feel compelled to visit websites like this.

Coping Strategies for Success

Reading isn’t only for nerds and hobbits, it’s also for smart people. Like you! Reading helps to increase overall happiness, so why not complement this career breakthrough with a book to help navigate you through your impending success.

The Art of the Humble Brag
The Art of the Humble Brag
by Gene Starr
Learn to master the art of the humble brag in this best-selling self-help book. You'll be able to show off and make others feel like they're not as good as you without alienating yourself for being awesome.
Top Review
I can talk myself up without sounding like a hawty narcissist. Thank you!
-Debbie Chang (Top Critic)
Being Content for Dummies
Being Content for Dummies
by E.Z. Living
Being happy can be a difficult adjustment if you’ve suffered from terrible job syndrome. This friendly reference will tackle everything you need to know about being happy, including how to smile naturally.
Top Review
Being Happy for Dummies totally worked. I’ve been happy ever since.
-Rajita Gazdar (Health and Well-Being Specialist)
Not Being Poor: Getting Accustomed to Comfort
Not Being Poor: Getting Accustomed to Comfort
by Tommy Vonlichtenstein
What happens when your bank account is suddenly brimming with cold hard cash? This book will guide you through what to expect from not being poor, and offers great tips on things you should invest in, like a pair of crocodile skin boots.
Top Review
I didn’t realize I could take a vacation now that I’m not poor.
-Fred Chester (Top Critic)
PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY: Confronting the Jealousy of Everyone Around You
PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY: Confronting the Jealousy of Everyone Around You
by Dora P. Wennberg
When you’re a success in every aspect of your life, it can be difficult dealing with the jealousy of everyone around you. Don’t suffer in silence, confront the issue with tact. This book will empower you with the skills to educated others that their jealousy of you is natural, and it’s also not your problem.
Top Review
The glare of jealousy from my friends and family was blinding. With the help of Peanut Butter & Jelly, they now have accepted their jealousy of me.
-Claire Hamonic (Verified Purchaser)
About This Website
Hate Your Job?

We Love Ours!

We also love eyes, glasses, and contact lenses. We also like contact lens solution and, occasionally, sunglasses. We’re the unsung heroes of vision care, and we think you deserve to love your job as much as we do. As you can tell, we’re also really fun and great to be around. If you’d like to be fun and great to be around — we recommend you join us.

Proudly brought to you by the happiest people on earth.